Blu-ray Review: Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009)

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It opened after April Fool's Day but after reading dozens of "alleged" reviews from renowned film critics across the country for Hannah Montana: The Movie, I couldn't help wondering if temporarily their computers had been hacked into by the same individuals who leave nonsensical, inflammatory, and hateful comments all around the internet. By referencing everything from terrorism to brainwashing to torture, some of my journalistic idols took the lowest road imaginable in pieces that could've most likely been classified as shock-jock rants instead of traditional reviews. In trying to rationalize the hate they were no doubt hoping would pass for humor, another thought that entered into my mind was that perhaps there was some sort of unspoken press corp challenge going on about who could create the angriest and most sarcastically extreme paragraphs.

Having missed the press screening for the film before its release and being repeatedly told to keep my expectations for the film low, I must admit that given the flood of nasty comments, I wasn't exactly looking forward to checking it out save for the fact that I try to review a diverse selection of titles to keep open-minded and offer something for everyone. Additionally, I have to confess that I'm not a fan of Miley Cyrus nor had I ever seen one second of her internationally successful television series Hannah Montana.

Yet while it's a very weak film structurally speaking as contrivances and cliches abound in what would have essentially worked better on the small screen-- contrary to the exaggerations expressed in the frustrated rants I'd read-- watching the film didn't make my head spin around Exorcist style or remind me of waterboarding in the slightest.

Overall, it's a colorful confection that's perfectly tailored to its demographic of devoted fans who are crazy about Hannah and likewise one that actually had me from the inventive intro until the middle act and Miley's "Hip Hop Hoedown" brought the film to a screeching halt.

In order to quickly hip those of us unfamiliar with the Hannah storyline (as minor as it is) via an engaging opener that's still the most dynamite extended sequence of the entire movie, we see Miley Stewart (Cyrus) and her best friend Lily (Emily Osment) arrive outside the ticket booth of a jam-packed Hannah Montana concert. Given the key line to let us know that Miley and Hannah are one in the same, Lily jokes that her friend is the only pop star she knows who can't get into her own concert after their plea that they're on the list is denied.

Coming up with an immediate Plan B, Miley spots a temporarily abandoned security golf cart and the two crash the backstage area to get to the dressing room and Miley's dad Bobby Ray (Billy Ray Cyrus) before the concert fuzz catches up with them. Amusingly driving the cart right into a promotional paper banner that covers Miley's head with Hannah's for an instant, we watch the girls kick her dad out of the room as they transform the typical teenage brunette into the superstar via a blonde wig and an enormous train case filled with cosmetics. After the transition is made, an in-joke hearkens back to a previous Montana song and movie as Miley and her reference her wish to have "the best of both worlds" since she's able to attend school and do chores as Miley but entertain a stadium filled with kids as Hannah.

Yet shortly after she hits the stage, the concert segues into the music video playing in the background as Hannah pays homage to Disney teen queen Annette Funicello's beach movies in a slick piece of movie editing. Building up audience expectation and the film's breakneck pacing, it's a stunner of an introduction to the movie that showcases the creativity and energy of those working behind the scenes to give it a high quality polish which makes the languid and overly long second half especially yawn-inducing.

No doubt taking a cue from Disney's smash High School Musical works where musical numbers are cut from one location to the next, it's this kind of imagination that instantly finds director Peter Chelsom's Hannah Montana: The Movie surpassing Disney's recently released Jonas Brothers title which felt lifeless and generic by comparison.

Unfortunately, Chelsom's film loses the momentum fairly early on when a British tabloid journalist decides to make it his mission to uncover the truth about Hannah in a tell-all expose that would put an end to her double life. Aside from an excruciating shoe fight with Tyra Banks in a brief cameo, the movie benefits considerably from a fun turn by Vanessa Williams-- which should appeal to those who enjoyed her in Ugly Betty-- as Hannah's publicist who encourages the young woman to spend more time engaging in life as a star.

However this advice results in not only the aforementioned shoe boutique showdown but also in ruining Lily's birthday party when she's forced by a time-crunch to arrive as Hannah and steals focus from her best friend. After one too many disappointments has found Miley forgetting what's really important in life and who she truly is, daddy Cyrus (er, Stewart) forces Miley to give Hannah a vacation by bringing her back to her Tennessee roots and life on the farm.

Conveniently the location change provides both Miley and Bobby Ray with love interests in the forms of adorable Lucas Till and The Office and 17 Again star Melora Hardin. Yet when inevitably the tabloid reporter hunts her down to Crowley Corners, TN, Lily arrives to help support her as the body double when Miley must again go from blonde to brunette repeatedly until she's forced to either come clean about the dual role or accept which identity means the most to her in the end.

Although the last half of the film still looks gorgeous in showcasing the colors of the Tennessee landscape in Disney widescreen Blu-ray, in terms of its screenplay it ditches all of the effort that had come before it in the previous sequences in favor of misunderstandings and stunts that we're usually presented with on the small screen. Despite this, the movie is augmented by musical performances by Billy Ray Cyrus, Rascal Flatts, the showstopping Taylor Swift (who similar to The Jonas Brothers Movie, immediately makes you wish she was the artist we were watching) and aside from that regrettable "Hoedown" a few catchy tunes by Miley that sound perfectly balanced with the rest of the dialogue in a solid 7.1 DTS-HD Master Audio English track.

While it does best Jonas as a musical comedy, creatively the movie goes to sleep after the opening segment. Thus eventually Hannah pales in comparison to the High School Musical works which-- aside from their thin plot-lines-- managed to hide the flaws with sheer overwhelm in the stylized music numbers that surpassed the horrid Mamma Mia! Moreover, while I won't be watching Hannah Montana: The Movie again since some of Miley's antics beyond the hoedown annoyed to no end especially in the "Go Daddy" chant she starts when she thinks her dad is going to kiss his love interest, it's nonetheless an innocuous movie from start to finish that is nowhere near worthy of the wrath filled rants it provoked.

Additionally, while she's not a young Gloria Steinem, she's the opposite of Paris Hilton which is further evidenced in some of the special features included on the Blu-ray as ultimately you realize that Hannah Montana boasts more "believe in yourself girl power" than most movies being marketed to the age group that find females cast as sidekicks, damsels in distress, or mere stereotypes.

Released as one of those money-saving combo packs that feature the work in three different formats including Blu-ray, DVD, and a Digital DisneyFile copy for owners to download to one of their compatible PC or Mac portable devices to take with them, the Hannah Montana Blu-ray boasts a cleaner color transfer than the overly "blue" tones noticed on the recent Race to Witch Mountain Blu-ray along with BD-Live extras, music videos, bloopers, deleted scenes and a few featurettes including two that were preferable to the film from an adult's perspective.

In "I Should Have Gone to Film School," co-star Jason Earles interviews the many individuals working on the set to educate viewers about the hundreds of people who make a film possible and in a terrific featurette, Miley, Billy Ray and Emily lead you on a tour of beloved spots in their hometowns in the thematic tie-in extra "Find Your Way Back Home," which is an informative, entertaining and revealing exploration of locales in Tennessee and California you wouldn't typically see in a film like Hannah.

Ideally suited for its intended audience-- while there are many things wrong with Hannah Montana as a film, in my eyes, there are far more flaws to be found when those who have excelled in the realm of film criticism lower themselves to playground level insults in rants unworthy of both the writers or their loyal readers.

And this is especially the case when, instead of speaking out against something truly prejudicial or offensive to humanity at large, they're pouring far too much energy in annihilating a G-rated movie for young girls in an industry where females are not only the most under-served demographic for studios but are also extremely under-represented in the field of film criticism. Now maybe it's me but it kind of makes one wonder what the true source of their anger really is since rationally, this benign film can't logically be the cause of it... even when Miley is encouraging us to "polka dot it" in that awful "Hip Hop Hoedown."

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DVD Review: Depth Charge (2008)

Leaving Stealth Waters
for DVD Shelves
2/3/09

Okay, so I know technically we're not supposed to make sweeping generalizations but my guess is that Depth Charge's Naval officer Commander Krieg (Eric Roberts) is probably one of the only guys who assumes that being assigned to the Pentagon is a demotion rather than a promotion.

Hmm, let's look at the facts-- on the one hand you could be stuck fathoms below the level of the sea roughly forty-five miles west of Iceland with a bunch of dudes and on the other, you could have fresh air, sunshine, socializing, and a cushy spot in the heart of the American government. Tough call-- claustrophobia and the possibility of drowning at any given moment or darkness should the power go out or a fast car to whisk you away to great seats at sporting events? What to do, what to do-- well, if you're Eric Roberts in Spike TV's latest "Spike Guy Movie" and nuttier than a damn fruitcake, you're going to prefer the submarine.

Staging a coup and bringing numerous other militant forces aboard (basically a politically correct anti-UN style of ass-kickers including a the obligatory "hot Asian chick" who can kung fu with the best of them) within the film's first twenty minutes, Roberts' Commander Krieg feels pretty confident that his little ring of terror has become "the proud owner of the world's most powerful nuclear submarine."

After ensuring the USS Montana has gone stealth or (for civilians like this reviewer-- become invisible to trackers everywhere), The Dark Knight's Eric Roberts decides to hold what would have been his future place of employment-- Washington D.C.-- hostage for a ridiculous ransom. (Yeah, because that always works.) Spin City's Barry Bostwick plays our wise Commander-in-Chief who-- utilizing a nearby vessel in Icelandic waters, the USS Florida-- and upon that realization that two crew members of Montana are still on board ,decides not to give in to Krieg's demand at least until the film nears its eighty-four minute running time that is.

It seems that luckily for the president and unluckily for Krieg and his nefarious henchmen and woman, Desperate Housewives star Jason Gedrick's navy "Doc" and young crew member and electrician's mate James Piersall (High School Musical's Chris Warren Jr.) have managed to stay on the Montana-- basically completely by accident. However, intriguingly this isn't one of the first signs that possibly Krieg's crew isn't particularly up to snuff as within minutes of capture, they're already second-guessing his command and constantly asking questions that don't really meet the Navy man's expectations that he's the man with the plan, Stan.

Fortunately taking advantage of the fact that the vessel is larger than one would've initially expected, Doc (who we quickly realize is much more Buffy the Vampire Slayer than Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman) and Piersall decide to take on the group by shutting the sub down one section at a time, picking off each villain in order for the power to go off long enough that the USS Florida and Bostwick's President can determine their location. No, I'm not making this up.

Originally filmed and broadcast in High Definition for Spike's DIRECTV channel (and predictably, there's a reference to high definition DIRECTV within the first five minutes), the color transfer to the DVD is excellent and while Roberts has loads of fun trying to out-ham everyone onscreen in a way that seems he modeled his character on Travolta's "would you mind not shooting at the thermonuclear weapons?" madman from John Woo's Broken Arrow, ultimately Depth Charge is a mindless, subpar hodgepodge of Executive Decision, Under Siege, Die Hard, Crimson Tide, Speed, and Passenger 57.

Although the script itself is particularly weak as Piersall constantly jokes about which A-list black actor would play him in the film version of their capture and we're left to believe that aside from severe puncture, stab, and gunshot wounds, the two heroes can still roundhouse kick with the best of them (although annoyingly never tying up or restraining each villain they manage to knock out) as they none-too-covertly chatter loudly on their walkie-talkies, it's a much better Spike offering than the recent disastrous Kung Fu Killer.

While Variety's Brian Lowry amusingly noted in a cynical response to the channel's "if they're hungry enough, guys will watch anything' strategy," as Spike's press-release reveals that nearly 1.5 million viewers tune into the original films each and every month, it's still a fun Saturday afternoon B-movie time-waster of great production value that's polished even more for RHI and Genius Entertainment's DVD release on February 3rd. However, viewers tuning in during this economy will want to shout at Krieg that going to the Pentagon is actually a good thing since at least he'll have a job unlike many of us.

TV on DVD: Spin City -- The Complete First Season

Now Available on DVD

Much like the equally creatively lauded hit Sports Night-- Spin City was one of those '90s sitcoms I completely missed out on during their initial run. Never one to jump into a series without knowing the complete back-story, including the pilot-- just like I can't watch a film if even a second has played before I walk in-- I was thrilled to learn that the good folks at Shout! Factory were premiering the first entire season of Spin on DVD this November.

Appropriately debuting on election day, Spin City reunites America's beloved Alex P. Keaton-- er, I mean Michael J. Fox-- with his Family Ties creator and executive producer Gary David Goldberg. This time we find him playing a character that seems much looser, fresh and quintessentially Michael J. Fox-like. In other words, instead of a young man masquerading as a grown up, Fox takes on the role of a grown up, whom, due to his career in the realm of politics, must often masquerade as a young man.

Hilarious and sharply written by its talented writers including co-creator Bill Lawrence who in the '00s would craft his own brand of workplace humor with the Peabody award winning hit Scrubs (moving curiously from NBC this year to ABC which also housed Spin), Fox is matched by his many verbal sparring partners in the form of season one cast-mates Carla Gugino, Barry Bostwick, Richard Kind, Alan Ruck, Michael Boatman, Connie Britton, and Alexander Chaplin.

Fittingly starring as Mike, Fox plays the New York City Deputy Mayor Mike Flaherty, who, truth be told, seems to be the one running everything-- the mayor behind the mayor, if you will-- pulling the strings and trying to avoid disaster at every turn. Although on the surface Barry Bostwick's Randall Winston is the guy with the title and his face on the evening news, Fox's Mike-- a "human handshake" as one city councilwoman memorably refers to him-- is his constant filter as the well-intentioned but often hopelessly clueless Winston makes faux pas after faux pas, leaving others offended in his wake of unintentional mixed messages and gaffes.

After he replies to an invitation to join in the gay pride parade with the retort, "Are you drunk?" in the pilot, gay activists are rightfully up in arms but Mike cleverly recruits one of its leaders, the successful and brilliant, gay African-American Carter Heywood (Michael Boatman) as head of minority affairs.

While his life at the office leaves little time for his girlfriend Ashley (Carla Gugino), given an instantly unlikable role as the toughest adversarial reporter in the press room who sends the mayor's Press Secretary and frequent scene stealer Paul Lassiter (Richard Kind) into a panicked frenzy, midway through the first season the clunky writing of that subplot was fixed when the otherwise incredibly talented Gugino parted ways with the show.

An overwhelming boys club with one sole major female cast member-- the hilarious, tough talking Nikki (Connie Britton) who unknowingly drives every male coworker around her wild-- the show thrives at its best when it deals with the inter-workings of the office and the countless hurdles the staff needs to jump in any given day.

A terrific example of the show firing on all creative cylinders can be witnessed in this clip in one of the season's funniest offerings "Dog Day Afternoon" which finds Mike scrambling to make up for the mayor's accidental insult towards the law enforcement community by staging a funeral for a heroic police dog... only to have his two staffers, Carter and the sexist Assistant Deputy Mayor Stuart (Alan Ruck) lose the animal on the way.

And while-- much like News Radio and The Mary Tyler Moore Show, we're quick to realize that the dysfunctional group, which also includes the sweet-natured, optimistic speechwriter James (Alexander Chaplin) who's hopelessly in love with Nikki serve as a terrific alternate "family" to the tired slew of endless dysfunctional family programs like the mean-spirited hits Everybody Loves Raymond and The King of Queens, we also realize that, unlike those shows, just how loyal these characters are to one another.

Especially apparent in another season one standout, "Kiss Me, Stupid," which finds everyone's Valentine's Day plans going horribly, horribly wrong as Mike is forced to pretend to be Carter's new boyfriend, Paul sends his girlfriend to the emergency room, and James can't figure out how to make Nikki see him in another light--Spin City offers proof of comedy at its most sophisticated. Likewise, it's no wonder that two of the most successful sitcoms running right now are workplace situation comedies with The Office and 30 Rock, which perhaps tried to sprinkle some of Spin and Radio's fairy dust left over from the heyday of Mary Tyler Moore.

Whatever it is-- if it is some secret recipe-- this Thanksgiving week, I'm thankful to Shout! Factory for preserving the comedic legacy of Michael J. Fox with this superb four disc set that will definitely be getting repeat play in my DVD player. Likewise, I also want to dish out thanks to the one and only, Fox, who I grew up watching and was thrilled to revisit once again over the course of this first installment of Spin City.