Movie Review: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009)

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A tender phrase used by the more chivalrous old-school gentlemen—the kind that still open doors, walk nearest to the street on sidewalks, and send flowers on days other than anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and birthdays—is to call the women in their life their “better half.” However, when it comes to Connor Mead (Matthew McConaughey)—the James Bond who’s all smarm without the charm and Alfie without the accent or Michael Caine’s winning twinkle in his eye—there is no better half.

Despite this, he soldiers on and temporarily fills the void with plenty of one tenths to one fourths in an endless parade of Maxim meets GQ like skanks he manages to nail and drop as if the swinging ‘70s had never ended with the dawn of AIDS in the ‘80s. This all occurs via “relationships” that last anywhere from a few minutes in an airplane bathroom to two weeks at most before he dumps three women simultaneously while trying to shag another one via a video conference call at the start of the film.

Video Clip:
A Break-up in “Bulk”

The closest thing one could consider to be a better half in Connor’s life would be a full one-- a full person that is-- in the form of his younger brother Paul (Breckin Meyer).

Scheduled to be married to his adoring sweetheart (Lacey Chabert)-- unfortunately given the stereotypical role of an anxiety-ridden Bridezilla who freaks out when figs aren’t included on the salads she ordered; Paul is not only everything that McConaughay’s narcissistic classless cad is not but a staunch reminder when the two are next to each other that there’s absolutely nothing to like about our leading man.

Video Clip:
I Can’t Toast This

Of course, a movie about two crazy-in-love kids getting married isn’t the stuff that makes studios instantly green-light a picture—unless of course the bride turns into Bridezilla during the honeymoon as the groom meets a new dream girl (as was the case in the misogynistic Farrelly brothers remake of The Heartbreak Kid) or in two other Ben Stiller vehicles when he gets put through the mill after he's finally brought home to Meet the Parents and The Fockers.

And in—trying to squeeze in every romantic comedy cliché possible—there’s a little of Fockers inspired humor as Robert Forster tackles the role of Chabert’s former marine turned ordained minister father in one of the very, very few bright spots in this abysmal picture as a Korean war vet who just can’t seem to get over the fact that without a wall or a good movie, the only legacy the Korean war had was “a sitcom with Alan Alda.”

Couple this with Chabert’s sultry “MILF” Anne Archer as a woman Connor goes to second base with in a typically aggressive come-on and screenwriters Jon Lucas and Scott Moore seem to be milking the same terrain as their other New Line Cinema produced screenplay Four Christmases which—despite going a bit overboard in family dysfunction screenwriting exercises—had the pleasant bonus of actually making us laugh.

In Ghosts, McConaughey tries to rework the same tired shtick he’s done to better effect in the flawed but amusing How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days (save for the awful final act) and Failure to Launch (rescued by scene-stealer Zooey Deschanel).

The problem is that there isn’t one redeemable characteristic about his character in this film, nor any chemistry with Jennifer Garner, and foolishly the filmmakers chose the wrong plot-line to follow as they decide to center the action on a character we wouldn’t want to spend one second with let alone more than one hundred minutes as he goes through a Dickensian Christmas Carol or Scrooged night of confronting his history with women.

Essentially little more than a sex addict except with what we assume is more self-control than the character that Sam Rockwell brought to life in last year’s Choke-- there is one plot line that does show a bit of promise as the film’s “host” for the ghostly activities is embodied by Michael Douglas, playing a Hugh Hefner, vintage swinging lady-killer who’d schooled the boy in as a youth on how to seduce women.

Of course, what the filmmakers don’t realize despite some great comedic work by Douglas (who incidentally had also worked in Fockers territory with his turn in the remake of The In-Laws) is that—like most of the movie, this particular story has been already made to much better effect in Dylan Kidd’s ingenious and brilliantly written independent film smash Roger Dodger starring Campbell Scott and Jesse Eisenberg.

So by the time you add up all the ingredients from Alfie to Fockers to Dodger-- which should all be rented to avoid paying the price of admission for this film-- basically what we’re left with is an inevitable romantic comedy wherein the cad must come of age, find the error of his ways and win back the girl he’s been hung up on since childhood in Jennifer Garner’s conveniently named Jenny.

Of course, Garner’s winning girl-next-door charm instinctively gets us on her side but there’s absolutely zero chemistry with McConaughey throughout. Sadly, she’s forced to portray a woman he doesn’t deserve and moreover one who would be far better off with another character in the film than the one in which we see in a sequence of supernatural idiocy get nearly drowned by the rain of tears cried by women he’s played, tissues they’ve wasted and condoms he’s used. Yeah--good times --and nothing says “get the saintly doctor Jenny together with the waste of space Connor” quite like a veritable and nauseating rain of condoms.

An all-around ugly and sexist film (to both genders), it's a reminder that one of my previously favored, life-affirming, and uplifting genres—the romantic comedy—has completely hit rock bottom. Films like Ghosts of Girlfriends Past are not only an affront to audiences as we keep getting served garbage like this but they’re also a fervent reminder of the power of an audience to determine the type of movies with which we’re presented if we just avoided works such as the tale of Connor Mead like the plague even though it's salvaged at times by the old-school charms of Forster and Douglas.

And while of course, thanks to the star power of the leads (including the lovely Jennifer Garner who wasn’t paid nearly enough to even be in a single frame) and the seemingly untouchable McConaughey who keeps getting work despite an endless string of disasters—it will make money-- if only because women want something to see in the wake of testosterone-addled summer pictures.

Despite this, my hope is that word-of-mouth will make it vanish like one of many ghosts in the film’s tired plot—already explored in another previous Waters film—Just Like Heaven and screenwriters will have to go back to the rom-com drawing board in figuring out how to delight us once again in films that, when done correctly can live-on for decades like It Happened One Night, The Philadelphia Story, Annie Hall, Manhattan, Moonstruck, and When Harry Met Sally.

Blu-ray Review: Mean Girls (2004)

Far from being just another teen movie-- the subsequent production of the first screenplay completed by Saturday Night Live's first female head writer Tina Fey was likewise far from being just another SNL movie.

Although it was produced by the NBC late night show creator and executive producer Lorne Michaels-- who has overseen and helped launch “the theatrical debuts of ‘SNL’ cast members since 1986--” Tina Fey wisely chose to avoid the trappings of bringing a skit character to the big screen following the mixed success of some of the Lorne Michaels’ productions in the 1990s such as the lackluster Night at the Roxbury, Superstar, and The Ladies Man.

No instead, Fey-- who as the Paramount Studios Production notes reveal “has long been fascinated by social dynamics”-- chose the unlikely nonfiction source material penned by the nonprofit Empower Program’s co-founder Rosalind Wiseman, whose efforts to help “empower girls and boys” to “stop adolescent violence,” were captured in the authentic and heavily researched book Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence.

Impressed by the insightful way that Wiseman managed to tap right into “how girls navigate through the cliques and hierarchies of adolescence,” Fey notes that what affected her most as a comedy writer (and woman) was “the anecdotes of girls that were interviewed for the book.” While Fey admits that “Rosalind, rightfully, takes it very seriously,” Fey’s creative brain went into overdrive, realizing how truly funny they were since in her opinion, “the way girls mess with each other is so clever and intricate, and probably very instinctive.”

Leaping to channel the hierarchies and “sophistication of their social structures,” which Wiseman acknowledged in her bestseller were so complex that “our best politicians and diplomats couldn't do better than a teen girl does in understanding the social intrigue and political landscapes that lead to power,” Fey found a wealth of information through interviews, the written anecdotes, and personal observations to weave together what is arguably the strongest teen film since Amy Heckerling's Clueless, (which was inspired by Jane Austen's Emma).

Instantly hilarious yet alternately filled with sharp observations, relatable experiences, worthwhile lessons rolled into jokes, empathy, and heart—while it’s far less freewheeling in its style than Fey’s zany, award-winning hit 30 Rock-- the fact that Mean Girls is a cleverly masqueraded “Lindsay Lohan” vehicle that plays equally well to women of all ages is part of what makes it such a success.

Far before Lohan became sadly a paparazzi target for her infamous and worrisome misadventures as one of Hollywood’s young A-list starlets living live way too fast, she reminds us once again in this 2004 role coming right off the heels of her earlier and successful work in Walt Disney’s Parent Trap remake co-starring the late and lovely Natasha Richardson and Freaky Friday alongside Jamie Lee Curtis’ spirited turn just how talented she truly is at what she does.

Easily falling into the role as the sweetly innocent and naïve fifteen year old home-schooled Cady Heron whose zoologist parents return with their daughter in tow from life abroad in Africa only to drop her in the incredibly unfriendly and Darwinian terrain of a typical Midwestern high school—it isn’t long before the mathematically gifted junior catches the attention of a few of her classmates from decidedly different circles.

Initially adopted by fellow outcasts straight out of John Hughes’ Pretty in Pink, Some Kind of Wonderful, and Sixteen Candles-- Lizzy Caplan’s artistically gifted and cynical Janice Ian and Daniel Franzese’s gay, activities obsessed Damian—she’s quickly warned about the school’s popular living Barbie dolls dubbed The Plastics who rule the school.

Essentially describing the girls’ existence as “celebrity culture shrunk down to high school size,” the tight trio of pretty and wealthy girls led by the ingeniously two-faced “Queen Bee” Regina George (The Notebook and Family Stone star Rachel McAdams) along with her gossip filled, mistreated sidekick Gretchen (Party of Five’s Lacey Chabert), and the dim-witted sycophantic bimbo Karen (Big Love and Mamma Mia!’s Amanda Seyfried) soon develop an interest in Cady.

Quickly, Regina invites her to join them for lunch—more in the vein of The Godfather style advice of keeping friends close and enemies closer than anything else. As McAdams explains in describing her intelligent and cruel character’s actions regarding the new girl, “she recognizes that Cady is pretty enough and smart enough to be very popular, and she realizes that if Cady becomes high school savvy enough, she has the potential to throw Regina right off her throne. So she immediately takes Cady under her wing to keep an eye on her.”

However, Janice—an old former middle school best friend of Regina’s who was badly scorned by the she-villain—soon enlists Cady to serve as a high school spy, reporting back everything that happens as she’s plummeted head-first into the rule-based, externally carefree but internally stressed girl world that is The Plastics.

And when Cady finds her own motive for not trusting Regina after she develops a crush on the handsome Aaron Samuels (Jonathan Bennett) whom Regina dumped awhile back but begins dating again just to wield her power over Cady—soon Cady, Janice, and Damien go full-scale into Plastic Sabotage striving to take away each and every thing that gives Regina her power such as her “army of skanks,” “hot man candy” killer body, and more.

Of course, once they begin to stoop to Regina’s level, the art of high school manipulation becomes faster to grasp than advanced mathematics which Cady begins purposely failing to try and get closer to Aaron, much to the dismay of her earnest, hard-working divorced teacher (played by Fey). Losing a sense of who she really is now that she’s thrown in with the real jungle instead of the African one where animal rules were more clearly defined—Cady’s decisions spiral out of control.

Fey’s Mean Girls-- directed by Lohan’s Freaky Friday helmer Mark S. Waters (House of Yes, Just Like Heaven, Spiderwick Chronicles, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past)—is a completely refreshing film that despite being incredibly funny and a return to the golden age of intelligent teen comedies that treated its target audience as though they had working brains as opposed to most of the garbage being hurled their direction at the multiplex, benefits as well from its ability to be used as a fun teaching tool.

For, no matter which decade you found yourself in the four years of high school hell—Cady’s experiences instantly ring true as there always have been and always will be Plastics but thankfully at the same time, there will always be those lovable outsiders who recognize how fleeting and foolish the entire thing is before they’re able to go out into the real world. As the director acknowledges in a smart behind-the-scenes extra “Only the Strong Survive” that’s included in Paramount’s recent Blu-ray release of the film, it’s a great attempt to show the frustrations and dichotomy of high school students who are “trying to act like adults but are not adults.”

Also featuring some great supporting turns by scene-stealer Amy Poehler as Regina’s mom and Tim Meadows as the school’s principal—hopelessly lost in a school where the girls have gone wild (and being given one of the best lines as he threatens the gym teacher with a baseball bat to “step away from the under-age girls”), Mean Girls boasts commentary with Waters, Fey, and Michaels, along with a blooper reel, deleted scenes (with commentary), multiple featurettes, and three hilarious ads with the actors in character.

While the only extra that’s been upgraded to HD for the Blu-ray is the original theatrical trailer as this edition repeats the same extras available on the original DVD, the Blu-ray’s quality is a noticeable if not overwhelming improvement over the original version as the outrageous costumes, production design and details used throughout really “pop” in 1080 pixels making the fashions a bit brighter and great soundtrack sound better than before.

Additionally updating the clarity to the point where individual strands of hair and threads on clothing are suddenly exceptionally vivid and noticeable—while from a film buff perspective—it’s not one you must upgrade to in Blu-ray since the DVD manages to work just fine for the purpose with the same extras, but for those who have yet to purchase it or are considering moving their collection entirely into high definition, it’s well-worth owning in any format.

Since, in my opinion--to this day, it’s still one of only a handful of post John Hughes films that can rank among the very best fare made with teens in mind that succeeds most likely because regardless of one’s age or gender, you’ll be able to identify strongly with at least one or more of the characters from Fey’s brilliantly conceived screenplay.